The Mask of Sorrow.

"Malice is like a game of poker or tennis; you don't play it with anyone who is manifestly inferior to you". (Hilde Spiel)


It is not enough to succeed; others must fail !!
It is hard to beleive it to be true.But have you ever felt  your friends ever  envied you the same way?

When good things have happened in life,very few showed an appreciation.  They stayed away.When I got a promotion at work ( Though it was overdue and not much to brag about  ) I found my colleagues and many of my  friends responded in irrational ways.I had never seen relationships this way. Some people stopped talking to me. Others started troubling me at work.Many faces appeared stung by wasps. I often wondered who was pouring all this venom on myself. And over time,  painfully realised they were all my own friends.Some acted as if I had stolen something from them. I could understand it as simple jealousy.

All of us, at some time other would have felt that emotion.Jealousy is one of those unnecessary evils we burden ourselves with. None of us could honestly say that we have not ever been jealous of more fortunate ones.Well, jealousy is part of life and what matters most is that you will use this jealousy to be more inspired on achieving your goals. As much as we hate to admit it, we've all been jealous of someone else at one time or another. We hate to admit it because the emotion we feel is a deep, dark, nasty feeling. Jealousy is the surface lesion that hints at the real wound: a sense of personal loss, a lowering of self-esteem and, at times, a feeling of self-criticism. These deeper emotions seep out in the form of anger and they can be tough to deal with in the workplace, where there is competition for rewards and opportunities.


Why do we feel envy to a friend? Isnt it a time we should be happy?
The malice of comparing with others.


Comparisons are always harmful. If they are in your favor, they bring false pride in you; if against you, they depress you. Pride can make you overconfident and eventually can be the cause of your downfall. Conversely, with jealousy you lose self-reliance, seek unjust methods of putting down your friend, colleague or relative, and ultimately end up in frustration. So to bring jealousy under your control, avoid comparing yourself with others as much as possible. Think that you are unique because that is how God wanted you to be. Pursue in all seriousness your own ideal, whatever it is. Do not waste your precious time in idle and miserable envy.

Now,to the oddest part of the story.

When bad things happen to you, many appear pleased,and their faces brighten up . They wear the mask of sorrow and come to you to express condolence, and even invite you to enjoy the gestures of their kindness.. It is always acceptable that something good comes out of anything.At least ,looking at it that way, it is good to see your misfortunes are the source of others' happiness.


The emotion of pleasure-in-others'-misfortune is morally evil. It is defenitely  less acceptable than envy, which itself is regarded as a deadly sin. It would appear to be morally more perverse to be pleased with another person's misfortune than to be displeased with another person's good fortune. Indeed, to feel envy is human, but to enjoy other people's misfortune is diabolical.  Pleasure-in-others'-misfortune is the worst trait in human nature, since it is closely related to cruelty.


"On and on we went, an abbreviation
of small black-winged envies
drunkenly sucking each other’s blood"

Eileen Malone’s poem  "Beloved Rival"

The wounds do not really heal

Have you ever seen a flower down
Sometimes angels skip around
And in their blissful state of glee
Bump into a daisy or sweet pea.

Jessi Lane Adams



My mother in law is about 75 years old. Her only son died when he was just five .

I haven’t seen a day passing in her life ,when she doesn’t bring his memories, to anything and everything we do. About 10 years back, she moved his remains from the old cemetery to a new tomb she built for him where his Papa is laid to rest, bringing them together finally. When her time comes, she wishes to stay with them as well. After fifty years, she still grieves.

“Time heals all wounds”

Isn’t it just a nice thing you tell people who are going through tough times?


Do you find that after time the pain does subside, but yet never go away? It is truly amazing how embedded our pain can become. It’s as if it becomes our identifying badge and we wear it everywhere.

You don't forget what you went through, how could you possibly?

When one experiences heartbreak, we are often told by well-meaning family and friends, that time heals all wounds. And, that with enough time, we will be able to pick ourselves up and move forward. How can it be then, that after many years have passed, we may still find ourselves wondering why we feel empty, uninspired or depressed, and unable to move forward?.

Listening to this just makes the question how long is this time they are talking about that will heal the wound of the bereaved prop into one’s mind. Are we talking about two weeks, three months or even a decade for the wound to eventually heal? On second thoughts, is it actually possible and enough for grief to simply go away over a period of time without memories of the event creeping into our lives at one point in time or another?

Grief or loss is an individual thing and we all deal with it differently. Time passes after such incidences but somehow does not heal all the wounds, though its passage makes us stronger and with better understanding to face life. We might feel better with time and the wounds might appear gradually healing, but there will definitely be a scar in our lives. The intensity of grief we attach to the incidence depends on how bad the wound is and its place in our lives.


So I think it is a harsh lie. Time doesn’t heal anything, time simply passes.

The wounds do not really heal.

It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps, heals or keeps us stuck in one position in life even after years .

When we suffer an injury, we know that as humans, we will repair to a certain extent over a period of time. A bone that is broken will set, and a cut will heal over and scar. Yet time alone does not do everything. Isn't it true that a bone needs to be reset properly? Isn't it true that a cut needs to be disinfected? The wounds will stay, until you decide to do something about them.


I've tried really hard to let what I went through not hinder my life, but I'm afraid that I've failed that in some ways. When a big part of your life and who you are goes missing, it's hard not to let it affect you. I think it's important to remember and keep good memories and feelings. But it is also essential to move on.


I thought the colors would come back,
The days would return,
To something I can understand,
But they don’t.


When my daughter in law left us for ever , many of my friends called me. They were all kindhearted. I remember the one who said” Think of it as if God has blessed you with another child, like He did to Abraham at his old age. It’s your responsibility to take care of the child, now.” I thought it was sensible, and enough reason to get up and start walking  and teach our child to take his tiny steps forwards.


What many forget, or fail to fathom after the gathering is gone ,is that the grieving are left with a puzzle of their lives scattered across the ground in a million bits with no idea how, or where, to find the corner pieces to start rebuilding. The lucky ones have a strong family and friend support ,and survive the ordeal.

Memories fade and warp, but they never die. Make a place for them in your life and then put them in their places . It's important to remember that it did happen and it did affect you. At the same time, its place is in the past, much like a chapter in a book you have read and choose not to read again. And never pretend your life is ok when you know- it isn’t.

They say time heals all wounds
Which is true for a broken bone
But can time heal a broken heart
A heart that’s all alone?

Time doesn't heal anything, time simply passes.
It is what we do with our lives while time is passing that either helps us,
heals us, or keeps us stuck.

Please remain seated !!

The plane was  taking off and was climbing steep at an angle of may be 45 degrees. Even the crew were all seated with their seat belts fastened. Then started the click, clack ,click..clack... Within few seconds some of the passengers were up, like in our transport buses. Without listening to the calls from the crew, they start the balancing act and  journey towards the toilet. With a smile on the lips, and a mocking look at those fools still seated, as if” I do this every day, I am used to this”. The first one itself manages to make a mess of the toilet. He successfully litters the toilet, urinates everywhere , except in to the toilet, and packs the tissues in to all holes and crevices , except where they were supposed to be and defenitely in to the wash basins. Once that  is over, then it was the waiting for the food and drinks trolley. When the stewardess offer one drink, they ask for three. One could hear ,the please, please, beggings  for more,  visibly irritating the crew. After that, it is snoring time encroaching the neighbor’s seats, till reaching the destination. Before landing, there is the usual announcement  "In a few minutes from now, we will be landing..passengers are requested to remain seated until the plane comes to a complete stop and the seat belt sign is off”.   But when the wheels at the nose end have just touched the tarmac, it is again the click clack click clack., standing up in between the seats with great difficulty, causing all inconveniences to everyone, except themselves.

In-flight passenger misconduct, besides causing hardships and inconvenience to the passengers and the cabin crew, has been one of the main reasons for unscheduled and emergency landings. For example, the diversion of Air India’s Dubai-Calicut flight to Mumbai, after a passenger allegedly misbehaved with a fellow woman passenger, is estimated to have cost the airline about Rs 2 million.


The unprecedented case of unruly passenger behavior in the country came about when around 20 Air India passengers—who like hundreds of others found their flight diverted to Mumbai because of fog and technical glitches at Delhi airport—stopped their co-passengers and 12 flight attendants from leaving the aircraft that was parked on the Mumbai tarmac from a Saturday evening to Sunday morning.

Often some passengers get drunk. It is as if they are seeing liquor for first time in life, and the whole purpose of the journey is to drink. I remember the pathetic situation of a lady whose husband got drunk and started insulting fellow passengers. And the saddest part is that some others enjoy the whole show, and never bother to interfere.

Till few years before, most of the flights used to keep some creams and colognes  inside the toilet. They disappear within few minutes. Now, I don’t see any such foolishness  from the part of the airlines.

It is as if we have no patience for anything. If they announce “ the use of mobile phone is not permitted inside the plain”, then immediately someone will start talking on the mobile. It would not look so funny if these events do not happen after every announcement. It is as if we are waiting for an announcement, to break it. With the result of all these, the service offered in the gulf sector is far inferior to that offered in other destinations, especially to the Europe or US.

I have not seen this kind of in flight behavior in any other sector. The few people who are seated in the plane will definitely not be us.

I don’t know why some passengers keep on repeating this show after so many years of travelling up and down. It is more to do with our etiquettes and civic sense. I wonder how and when we could improve on this.

I dont need an answer any more

Few weeks back I had raised the question .Why do bad things happen to good people? The question still keeps on coming back to me,even after reconciling with all the unpleasant events that had  happened.. And that is when I came  across the writings of Rabbi Aron Moss. He teaches Kabbalah and practical Judaism in Sydney.

Now,have you thought about an answer to this question? Do you really want to know why the innocent suffer? I think not. You are far better off with the question than with an answer. At least, that is what I think now.


We are bothered by the fact that people suffer undeservedly. As we should be. Any person with an ounce of moral sensitivity is outraged by the injustices of our world. At least nineteen times in the Book of Job you will find a "Why?" question.
"Why have you made me your target?"

"Why should I struggle in vain?"

Abraham, had asked God, "Should the Judge of the whole world not act fairly?"

Moses asked, "Why have You treated this people badly?"

And today we still ask, "Why God, why?"

But what if we found the answer? What if someone came along and gave us a satisfying explanation? What if the mystery were finally solved? What if we asked why, and actually got an answer?

If this ultimate question were answered, then we would be able to make peace with the suffering of innocents. And that is unthinkable. Worse than innocent people suffering is others watching their suffering unmoved. And that's exactly what would happen if we were to understand why innocents suffer. We would no longer be bothered by their cry, we would no longer feel their pain, because we would understand why it is happening.

Imagine you are in a hospital and you hear a woman screaming with pain. Outside her room, her family is standing around chatting, all smiling and happy. You scream at them,

"What's wrong with you? Can't you hear how much pain she is in?"

They answer, "This is the delivery ward. She is having a baby. Of course we are happy."

When you have an explanation, pain doesn't seem so bad anymore. We can tolerate suffering when we know why it is happening.

And so, if we could make sense of innocent people suffering, if we could rationalise tragedy, then we could live with it. We would be able to hear the cry of sweet children in pain and not be horrified. We would tolerate seeing broken hearts and shattered lives, for we would be able to neatly explain them away. Our question would be answered, and we could move on.

But as long as the pain of innocents remains a burning question, we are bothered by its existence. And as long as we can't explain pain, we must alleviate it. If innocent people suffering does not fit into our worldview, we must eradicate it. Rather than justifying their pain, we need to get rid of it.

So keep asking the question, why do bad things happen to good people. But stop looking for answers. Start formulating a response. Take your righteous anger and turn it into a force for doing good. Redirect your frustration with injustice and unfairness and channel it into a drive to fight injustice and unfairness. Let your outrage propel you into action. When you see innocent people suffering, help them. Combat the pain in the world with goodness. Alleviate suffering wherever you can.

So ,why do bad things happen to good people? For the same reason bad things happen to bad people--bad things happen to everyone. They usually seem to make bad people worse, and good people better.



We don't want answers, we don't want explanations, and we don't want closure. We want an end to suffering. And we dare not leave it up to God to alleviate suffering. He is waiting for us to do it. That's what we are here for. Love yourself, relax more often, appreciate your life, have a conscious awareness of all the good in the world, focus on what feels good, help others by sharing a positive outlook, and learn a lesson from anything and every thing.

It happens only in India

In this age when elderly parents are facing problems living with their grown up children, Kailash Giri from Hinota village of Jabalpur district in Madhya Pradesh provide a modern example of ‘Shravan Kumar’ ( a man who carried his blind mother and father on his shoulders in the ‘Ramayana’ time )

"A few years ago I met with an accident and recovered from it because of the prayers offered by my mother. It was then that the fire inside me to serve my mother was kindled and the journey that began in 1996 is continuing till today," he says.


 "We are living in a wild society, a society where old-age homes are the fashion of the day. But, today's youth fail to understand that nothing other than serving their parents would give them the satisfaction of leading a meaningful life. What I do may not be practicable for all, but they should pay their gratitude towards their parents to the extent that they can," adds Brahmachari.


Brahmachari has been carrying his mother, Keerthi Devi (80), on a `kanwar'   (wicker basket) for the past twelve years and visiting temples at several places including Allahabad, Ayodhya, Kashi, and Chitrupur. "Mother is no less than God; she is truth with flesh and blood and children owe their life to her," says  Kailash Giri Brahmachari (34), shouldering his blind mother on a pilgrimage to significant Hindu shrines all over the country. The frail 36-year-old, wearing the saffron dhoti favoured by Hindu pilgrims, his torso bare and his long hair tied on the top of his head, has become an object of admiration and awe in places he arrives..The journey has not been easy. Kailash has had to battle poverty and the sheer physical difficulty of the task, but his spirit has been unfailing. Usually he covers 15 to 20 km a day and takes shelter wherever it is offered. The youth, who thrives on offerings made by the public on his way, wants the Government to make a law making it compulsory for children to take care of their parents till their death. May be a law to love parents!


Kailash's mother is happy that her wish is being fulfilled but is also concerned about the huge struggle her son is putting up.
"Only a mother can feel the pain of her son. On several occasions, I told him to stop the journey. But Kaliash has decided to complete the pilgrimage,"' said Kailash's mother

If all goes well, Kailashgiri's grand plan is to end his spiritual quest at the next Kumbh Mela Hindu festival in the holy city of Varanasi in 2013.

Caring for aging parents can be challenging and difficult at times, but it is also an honor and privilege to do so, as well as a God-given responsibility for everyone in the family.By working together as a family, being supportive and helpful in caring for the many needs of the elderly parent, families will have the joy and pleasure of knowing that their efforts were greatly appreciated by the aging parent or grandparent, as well as knowing that they fulfilled the requirement to “honor your father and mother” while they were alive.But ,with our changing values and concepts,it is becoming common practice to abandon  the ailing parents to some old age homes or geriatric hospitals and then, not even go to visit them anymore.

Kailash Giri is a great example for people who do not care about their aged parents.What  Kailash is doing is unique,and cannot be done by everyone.
But how many of us would  put in the effort to take our elderly parents to the places they would love to visit ,and to people whom they love to meet? Learn to care for them in our own families.We  will  learn to be patient. To love in the face of anger, and we will see our children develop compassion, gentleness, and a respect for old people. They  will spend time talking to the grandparents, laughing and joking with them. They will learn that death and dying is a natural part of life and living, and that sometimes we lose ourselves in the process. Even small gestures matter,and will be counted ultimately.