Why such brief candles?

I was watching the movie “ The Tree of Life” the other day. Honestly, I couldn’t connect all the pieces together the first time I saw the movie. It can mean completely different things for completely different kinds of people. The Tree of Life is about everything. About life, nostalgia, love, loss, hatred, anger, nature, grace, forgiveness, redemption, and everything else that could be there in life. The scenes are incredibly beautiful, as perfect as they could be and looks out of this world. The Tree of Life is a series of fragmented memories of a young man named Jack (Sean Penn) who reminisces his childhood memories as a young boy , and the polar relationships between his graceful, loving mother (Jessica Chastain), and his strict, disciplinary, and sometimes angry father (Brad Pitt). It is a simple family entwined in love,the kind we see in everyday life.

And,somewhere in the middle of the movie, there was this scene when the Brian family attends the church on a Sunday morning and listens to a sermon.It really struck me as I listened to it again and again. It haunted me.

The Book of Job explores the myth that we inhabit a world in which people who live virtuously inevitably receive blessing, while those who do evil, always suffer a painful fate. The story of the tragedies that fell upon virtuous Job, demonstrates that there is nothing in life that can protect us from the possibility of pain.The story of Job is quoted often when one gets angry at God and when misfortunes befall.


“Job imagined he might build his nest on high – that the integrity of his behavior would protect him against misfortune. And his friends thought, mistakenly, that the Lord could only have punished him because secretly he’d done something wrong.

But, no, misfortune befalls the good as well. We can’t protect ourselves against it. We can’t protect our children. We can’t say to ourselves, even if I’m not happy, I’m going to make sure they are.

We vanish as a cloud. We wither as the autumn grass, and like a tree are rooted up.
Is there some fraud in the scheme of the universe? Is there nothing which is deathless? Nothing which does not pass away?

We cannot stay where we are. We must journey forth.

We must find that which is greater than fortune or fate. Nothing can bring us peace but that.

Is the body of the wise man, or the just, exempt from any pain? From any disquietude, from the deformity that might blight its beauty, from the weakness that might destroy its health?

Do you trust in God?

Job, too, was close to the Lord. Are your friends and children your security? There is no hiding place in all the world where trouble may not find you. No on knows when sorrow might visit his house, any more than Job did.
The very moment everything was taken away from Job, he knew it was the Lord who’d taken it away. He turned from the passing shows of time. He sought that which is eternal.

Does he alone see God’s hand who sees that He gives, or does not also the one see God’s hand who sees that He takes away? Does he alone see God who sees God turn His face towards him? Does not also he see God who sees God turn his back?"


The sermon is a profound piece of theology, a beautiful piece of poetry, and a deep well of spiritual wisdom and insight.

“Is there nothing which is deathless? Nothing which does not pass away?”

“The Tree of Life” also offers an answer in the voice of Mrs. O’Brien when she declares, “Unless you love, your life will flash by… Do good, wonder, hope.”

There are only two routes through life: “the way of nature and the way of grace.” Grace is abundant in the story’s mother figure, the pious and loving Mrs. O’Brian and a sufferer of the most awful of all tragedies – the death of a child, her middle son in his late teens. How he died we never learn, but the rest of the film can be seen as a reaction to his cruelly shortened life and to the question it inevitably poses.....Why? Why such a brief candle?

At the boy's funeral, a pastor tells Mrs. O'Brien "He's in God's hands now" and she replies with something like... "He should be in my hands." I could not think of a better answer than hers. Perhaps that answer is the one which shook me up.Whenever I hear of the death of a young child, I am reminded of my own personal loss. Why? Why such a brief candle?

A lingering fragrance

Two years of sadness and painful memories. Along with that , the lingering fragrance of the sweetness she was. A short time where she filled our lives with a gentleness and warmth that touched all lives around her. Who are we to decipher the intricacies and madness of nature? If everything went on according to rules, probably life would have lost all its charm. Still, the pain it inflicts on those left behind is fathomless.

Everything good in this world reminds me of her. She was all the goodness wrapped in a gift wrap, and got stolen.

It is two years since Sheri has left us. It feels like yesterday, because her presence is so strong and the memories so gripping. It is painful to write, so I just put together some thoughts.

Death is the ultimate reality after birth, an experience that touches all members of the human family. Death transcends all cultures and beliefs; there is both commonality and individuality in the grief experience. When a loved one dies, each person reacts differently. A child's death, however, is such a wrenching event that all affected by it express sadness and dismay and are painfully shaken for the rest of their lives...

A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But...there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is! (Neugeboren 1976,


Children are not supposed to die...Parents expect to see their children grow and mature and outlive them. Ultimately, parents expect to die with the care and comfort of their children...This would be the natural course of life events, if the life cycle continued as it should. The loss of a child is the loss of innocence, the death of the most vulnerable and dependent. The death of a child signifies the loss of the future, of hopes and dreams, of new strength, and of perfection. ( Arnold and Gemma 1994)

Bereaved parents continue to be parents of the child who died. They will always feel the empty place in their hearts caused by the child's death; they were, and always will be, the loving father and mother of that child. Yet, these parents have to accept that they will never be able to live their lives with or share their love openly with the child. So they must find ways to hold on to the memories. Many bereaved parents come to learn that "memories are the precious gifts of the heart... [that they need] these memories and whispers, to help create a sense of inner peace, a closeness" (Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter, Spring 1989).

Nothing can change the fact that this child is considered a part of the family forever, and the void in the family constellation created by the child's death also remains forever.


Parental grief is boundless. It touches every aspect of the parent's being...The range of expression of parental grief is wide. Despite the volumes of work on grief, the experience of grief seems to defy description... Definitions touch the fringes of grief but do not embrace its totality or reach its core...Grief is a complicated, evolving human process. Grief is a binding experience; its universality binds sufferers together. (Arnold and Gemma 1991)



The sorrow for the dead is the only sorrow from which we refuse to be divorced. Every other wound we seek to heal, every other affliction to forget; but this wound we consider it a duty to keep open; this affliction we cherish and brood over in solitude. ( Washington Irving, The Sketch Book ,)



• Parental grief is overwhelming; there is nothing that can prepare a parent for its enormity or devastation; parental grief never ends but only changes in intensity and manner of expression; parental grief affects the head, the heart, and the spirit.

• For parents, the death of a child means coming to terms with untold emptiness and deep emotional hurt. Immediately after the death, some parents may even find it impossible to express grief at all as many experience a period of shock and numbness.


But in time... nature takes care of it; the waves of pain lose intensity a little and come less frequently. Then friends and relatives say the parents are getting over it, and that time heals all wounds. But I seriously doubt any length of time will heal the wounds. This is a constant pain you don’t want to get away with. That pain reminds me of the best part of my life I shared with a sweet ,innocent child.

I love to nurture this wound, lest I lose the sweetest of my memories.

A tomorrow that never was

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”(Oscar Wilde)


Last week, two farmers committed suicide in my place. They had struggled all their lives to make a living, but instead, accumulated only debts and decided to end their lives . Their families will continue the same struggle for the rest of their lives too. I have often wondered at the way life goes. Some people live comfortable lives not by virtue of their efforts, but by a matter of sheer luck. Others toil their whole lives making ends meet. But those ends never meet. If you are poor, life is difficult. No one will even lend you money. For those who have, there is no need to ask. It is all the more difficult if you are poor and sick. Then there are others who have money, but forget to live.

I was not going to write about poverty and money matters. It was Chackochan’s death that prompted me to write this.

I had known him from the time I joined the hospital. He was well known at the place as a businessman by that time. His was a rag to riches story. He had come to Khorfakkan as an ordinary laborer and built up a business all on his own, which grew in to a big money making business. He had been living in a cheap dilapidated villa and still sent his wife for a very low income job. He was said to have a palatial bungalow in his home town and many buildings at prime locations which he had leased off. But he lived frugally his all life in that dilapidated rented house; his wife still went to her work place by taxi.

Once when this lady came to me as a patient, I asked her.

“Why do you have to go for work now at this age, you are sick”
“There are lots of expenses, doctor, children are studying, and no money” This lady didn’t have money to buy the medicines I had prescribed and I had to send her away with some sample medicines.
Their house in their home town had a swimming pool and was fully air conditioned. But neither of them ever lived in that house. They never enjoyed the swimming pool because they didn’t know how to swim .All the while, they toiled and lived miserly in that slum like place.

And finally, last week, he made an unceremonious departure from this world.

This is not an isolated story. Half of the expatriates, who live in this part of the world, live their lives this way. They all tighten their belts to make money for the future and finally get old and sick and die, never enjoying the fruits of their labor. Their children live lavishly and lead care free lives and finish off the bounty in no time.

I know many who are rich by the standards here. They buy the cheapest of clothes, the cheapest of whiskies, the cheapest of perfumes and the cheapest of everything they can see. I seriously doubt if they do it as a matter of principle.

We all have this tendency to keep the best for the future. Like keeping the best dress for an occasion, the good food for tomorrow, to finish the stale food in the fridge, but end up eating the back log of stale food every day.

The other day a friend of mine asked me to go to the beach with him. Early in the morning, the weather was cold, the air was fresh and fragrant, the sea was calm and a gentle breeze blew all the time that brought with it the spirit of energy. The sun was simmering at the red horizon far away. We enjoyed a walk along the shore and then bathed in the sea and enjoyed swimming. It was a wonderful day. I was thinking….I have been living in the same place for ten years, I just had to cross the road to reach this sea, but never bothered to go to the sea and enjoy this wonderful pleasures of nature, that came free!

The best things in life are probably free for all of us. People spend thousands of dollars to travel to exotic locations and spend some time at the sea side, and here I am, living by the sea side and never bothering to enjoy that luxury, which was always free for me.

Now a day people kill themselves to eke out a living or improve their living conditions, but they forget to live. In fact, many people don’t live, but they exist and survive each day, for they are too busy, too tired, too stressed and too worried to really enjoy the pleasures of life. There is no going back in time. Thus, hours become days and days become months and years and all those years become a wasted precious life, and what for? To make a better living for tomorrow! A tomorrow that never was.

It is always said that to be successful in life, you have to work hard and never stop, because if you stop, another person will come and take your place. Besides, as the present world demands a lot of effort to survive and keep a decent living, pleasures are the first thing to be put off when wanting to achieve any goal. However, if you postpone your enjoyment until the time money and proper conditions arrive, that time may never come or come too late and you are unable to take care of yourself, leave alone enjoyment.

The strains of modern life force people to live in such a hurry that they don’t have time to enjoy the beautiful world we live in. People forget to take delight of the bonny things nature provides us. It costs no money and takes almost no time.

"This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it." - Thomas Carlyle.

We always want more than what we actually need. People accumulate things for others to enjoy them, for they value their lives by the things they possess, which is a quite sad way of appreciating life.

If at the end of the day we review the day’s tasks and ask ourselves how much we enjoyed the day, we’d probably conclude that we missed another chance of feeling alive. Responsibilities are absolutely necessary as well as a work, career and material things, but life goes beyond that. How many people at the end regret for not taking the opportunities they had to live, to have some adventures and experiences? There is nothing better than to look back your past and be able to say; “I lived and lived very well. I enjoyed life, this world and everything it had given me, I made mistakes, but I learned from them.”


Our time is not eternal. Each second, minute, hour, and day we waste is gone, and gone forever. To overwork for something you won’t enjoy is as silly as having the opportunity to live but to prefer to exist in order to talk about the ones who really live.

Do you have an answer?

I always used to walk very fast. It had become a habit for me from childhood. Unknowingly, I would also keep my head high and straight. Many have asked me if I had worked in the army! Others concluded that it was because I was so proud that I kept my head high and walked as if I didn’t care for anyone else or the rest of the world. I walked as if I was kept on a cruise control. Even if I tried to walk slowly with all my effort, after some time, I would pick up speed.

Sometime back I was at the corniche for my daily walk. It was a weekend and there were many people perched on the low wall at the sea side, enjoying the sound and sight. The weather was good and I walked enjoying the gentle breeze. I was at my usual speed and suddenly heard a clap and a call

“Sadeek !” (Friend ! )

I was surprised to find it was a young local girl clad in the traditional burkha.

“Shuf ! Minnak phi radar” (Careful! There is a radar ahead!)

I never could believe the girl had such a sense of humor and more than that, the guts. Traditionally, the local girls shy away from outsiders. Times have changed. She had a hearty laugh and so too others who heard it. A group of boys sitting on the other side,probably watching the girl than the sea, clapped and encouraged as well. That was a pleasant evening.


Our hospital was spread out in a very large area. There were long corridors running criss - cross at many levels. I could easily walk about 200 metes from the ward to the out patient clinic. As always, my walk would always be fast and people would think I was running to attend an emergency or the sort. Over time, the staff got used to this, and they would not bother even if I hurried for an emergency.

One day I was on my way to the clinic when I heard the call form Venki. He was our senior male nurse at the emergency. I paused for him.

‘What is your secret, doctor? “He asked as he came near me.
“Of what?”
‘Your speed, doctor, how do you manage to run like a horse at this age?”

I didn’t like the question and specially his mention of my age. That reminded me of my age, which I don’t remember at other times.

He guessed from the expression on my face and just grinned.
“That is a secret I don’t usually share”, I said and walked away

When I reached home, I felt a kind of severe fatigue and tiredness. I went to bed after taking some pain relievers and couldn’t get up from bed for at least three days. Every inch of my body ached and I couldn’t move.

From that day, if I see this guy, I would take a side turn in another direction and escape. Because this has happened to me on more than one occasion.

I don’t know if you would believe such a story, especially from a doctor. But I had the same problem more than once, for it to be a chance. On another occasion he said
“Doctor, you look too young and bright. Look at me, your same age and people ask me why I haven’t retired”
The same day my back ache and kidney stone started giving me trouble and I was forced to bed for a week. My knees started making that crepitus which I had never heard before!

During my younger days, we had some very notorious persons like this in our neighborhood. There was this woman near our home. People would always hide anything good from her. If the mango tree blooms and gets heavily laden and she just looks at the tree and says’ Wow! My goodness, so many mangoes! Can the tree hold them all! And there it goes. The next day you will find all those unripe tiny fruits fallen all around and the weeping tree without a single fruit on it. Or if she looks at a baby and makes a comment “Oh….so cute and healthy looking”, the next day that unfortunate baby would fall sick.

I don’t know how many of you would laugh at this. Last week I made a visit to my old hospital. I met few of my colleagues and then went to the wards. I met someone at the corridor who was notorious for this kind of comments.

“Doctor! You look much better!! You have become ten years younger! You must be happier there? More money...Eh? I am sure there are many good looking girls around as well “

Till this I day I haven’t felt good. Every single day, I have aches and pains. With all my efforts, I manage to go to the clinic and do my work.

Whenever something good happens, I had this tendency to go and tell it to everyone around. I just can’t hold happiness. On one such occasion, a colleague of mine called me aside and said “Babuchayan, there is no need to tell all this kind of matters to everyone. Tell it to only those you think will wish good for you. There will be others in whom jealousy will brew and might think. ..What the hell...how come he gets everything, all goodness comes to him “ , and then the opposite will happen”

I don’t know how to explain these things.A friend tells me it is some kind of bad energy.Well,if you believe in good energy,then there could be bad as well. In medicine,we learn that many illnesses work through the immune system and this system is regulated also by emotional and psychological factors.

A Stitch in time

The clinic keeps me busy all the time. I had never thought this could be so demanding.And then,when you finish the work,there is always this last patient who walks in.
Today was the deadline for submitting an article for a local magazine.It is meant for the general public and so I tried to make it as non professional as it could be.I haven't written much of medical stuff on the blog,so I thought I would share it with you.



“Doctor,can we accept one more patient?”

It was from the reception. I was going to call it a day and they knew too well that I have never refused a patient.

Khan( Not the real name) walked in limping,his belly first,and then the rest of him.

“It is my toe,doctor, he said,while I was flipping through his thick medical file. He had diabetes for more than ten years,hypertension, and lipid disorder, what we could call the ‘triple jeopardy’. A quick look at his file told me that his diabetes was never under control.His toe looked swollen and discolored and lacked blood supply.I was afraid that he might lose that toe.

‘It is because of your sugar,Khan”, I said. “ Your toe is badly infected and the blood supply is poor”.
He had most of the complications of diabetes. He had vasular problems, neuropathy,and kidney dysfunction.

“When did you see the doctor last? I asked him.

“ Six months back. But I bring medicines from home and take them’

He was no exception. Four months in Family Medical Centre,and I realized that the pattern was not different from what I had seen in the Governmental hospital for ten years.We had always argued and discussed why most of our diabetic patients were not properly controlled.

‘I am taking my tablets every day’. There ends the effort. No adherence to diet or exercise,no proper monitoring and follow ups. While at the diabetes clinic,I had noticed that more than sixty percent of our diabeteics didn’t follow the advices on life style changes.Most of them had uncontrolled diabetes.

“ Well,what is the point of taking medicines if your diabetes and hypertension are not controlled?”

This was a question I always asked patients.

Most of them do not realize the fearful complications of diabetes.

Diabetes mellitus is a chronic condition that can lead to dangerous complications over time. These complications can include:
Coronary heart disease, which can lead to a heart attack.
Cerebrovascular disease, which can lead to stroke. 50% of people with diabetes die of cardiovascular disease (primarily heart disease and stroke).

Retinopathy (disease of the eye), which can lead to blindness. After 15 years of diabetes, approximately 2% of people become blind, and about 10% develop severe visual impairment.
Nephropathy (disease of the kidney), which can lead to kidney failure and the need for dialysis. 10-20% of people with diabetes die of kidney failure.
Neuropathy (disease of the nerves), which can lead to, among other things, ulceration of the foot requiring amputation and affects up to 50% of people with diabetes.

Many of these complications produce no symptoms in the early stages, and most can be prevented or minimized with a combination of regular medical care and blood sugar monitoring. The long-term complications of diabetes are caused by the effect of high blood sugar levels on blood vessels. For most people, a target for fasting blood sugar and for blood sugar levels before each meal is 80 to120 mg/dl (4.4 to 6.6 mmol/L)

A blood test called A1C is also used to monitor blood sugar control; the result provides an average of blood sugar levels during the previous one to three months. An A1C of 6 percent or less is recommended; this corresponds to an average blood sugar of 135 mg/dL.

Diabetes can decrease the blood supply to the feet and damage the nerves that carry sensation. These changes put the feet at risk for developing potentially serious complications such as ulcers. Foot complications are very common among people with diabetes, and may go unnoticed until the condition is severe. It is said that a diabetic should care for his feet,the way a young woman cares for her face.
People with diabetes should examine their feet every day. It is important to examine all parts of the feet, especially the area between the toes. Look for broken skin, ulcers, blisters, areas of increased warmth or redness, or changes in callus formation. Proper foot wear is of extreme importance.

One out of every four citizens of the United Arab Emirates has diabetes and this is one of the highest prevalences in the world. 70% of the UAEpopulation is at risk for developing diabetes according to current indicators. The UAE's diabetes rate of roughly 20 percent for all residents belittles the global average of 5 percent. Though a genetic predisposition can be given as an excuse, it is the striking change in the life style from hardworking nomadic life to an ultramodern,sedentary way of life which could be equally held responsible.

The change in life style is almost universal. I remember,as a child, our games and activities were always physical and outdoor. Now the young and old alike are getting glued to computer and television,with junk food for company.
It is alarming to see diabetes on the rise at such a rapid rate. While new diabetes treatments continue to be developed, the disease continues to rise at an unprecedented rate.

Simple lifestyle changes are proven to be effective to prevent or delay the onset of type II diabetes and control the diabetes in those who have the disease. These include regular physical activity, a healthy diet, weight reduction and smoking cessation.

Khan was attentive all the while.He appeared a bit apprehensive towards the end.

“But why didn’t they tell me about all this from the beginning?” he asked.

This was another issue. Diabetes education is probably the most important part of its treatment. Like in anything else, we lack the time and patience to educate the patient.

Most of the microvascular complications of diabetes are related to the degree and the length of exposure to hyperglycaemia( high blood sugar levels).New data from studies on Diabetes emphasize the role of glucose control early in the course of the disorder and its value in prevention of later complications.The phenomenon of ongoing beneficial effects on diabetic complications after a period of improved glycemic control ,even if followed by a return to usual (often poorer) metabolic control has been described as representing “metabolic memory” or “legacy effect”.Earlier control of blood sugar is of utmost importance to prevent later complications.

“ I will do as you say, doctor”. Khan had become very submissive after listening to my sermon.

“Well,that is a good start,Khan”. There was now a smile of relief on his face.