A tomorrow that never was

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”(Oscar Wilde)


Last week, two farmers committed suicide in my place. They had struggled all their lives to make a living, but instead, accumulated only debts and decided to end their lives . Their families will continue the same struggle for the rest of their lives too. I have often wondered at the way life goes. Some people live comfortable lives not by virtue of their efforts, but by a matter of sheer luck. Others toil their whole lives making ends meet. But those ends never meet. If you are poor, life is difficult. No one will even lend you money. For those who have, there is no need to ask. It is all the more difficult if you are poor and sick. Then there are others who have money, but forget to live.

I was not going to write about poverty and money matters. It was Chackochan’s death that prompted me to write this.

I had known him from the time I joined the hospital. He was well known at the place as a businessman by that time. His was a rag to riches story. He had come to Khorfakkan as an ordinary laborer and built up a business all on his own, which grew in to a big money making business. He had been living in a cheap dilapidated villa and still sent his wife for a very low income job. He was said to have a palatial bungalow in his home town and many buildings at prime locations which he had leased off. But he lived frugally his all life in that dilapidated rented house; his wife still went to her work place by taxi.

Once when this lady came to me as a patient, I asked her.

“Why do you have to go for work now at this age, you are sick”
“There are lots of expenses, doctor, children are studying, and no money” This lady didn’t have money to buy the medicines I had prescribed and I had to send her away with some sample medicines.
Their house in their home town had a swimming pool and was fully air conditioned. But neither of them ever lived in that house. They never enjoyed the swimming pool because they didn’t know how to swim .All the while, they toiled and lived miserly in that slum like place.

And finally, last week, he made an unceremonious departure from this world.

This is not an isolated story. Half of the expatriates, who live in this part of the world, live their lives this way. They all tighten their belts to make money for the future and finally get old and sick and die, never enjoying the fruits of their labor. Their children live lavishly and lead care free lives and finish off the bounty in no time.

I know many who are rich by the standards here. They buy the cheapest of clothes, the cheapest of whiskies, the cheapest of perfumes and the cheapest of everything they can see. I seriously doubt if they do it as a matter of principle.

We all have this tendency to keep the best for the future. Like keeping the best dress for an occasion, the good food for tomorrow, to finish the stale food in the fridge, but end up eating the back log of stale food every day.

The other day a friend of mine asked me to go to the beach with him. Early in the morning, the weather was cold, the air was fresh and fragrant, the sea was calm and a gentle breeze blew all the time that brought with it the spirit of energy. The sun was simmering at the red horizon far away. We enjoyed a walk along the shore and then bathed in the sea and enjoyed swimming. It was a wonderful day. I was thinking….I have been living in the same place for ten years, I just had to cross the road to reach this sea, but never bothered to go to the sea and enjoy this wonderful pleasures of nature, that came free!

The best things in life are probably free for all of us. People spend thousands of dollars to travel to exotic locations and spend some time at the sea side, and here I am, living by the sea side and never bothering to enjoy that luxury, which was always free for me.

Now a day people kill themselves to eke out a living or improve their living conditions, but they forget to live. In fact, many people don’t live, but they exist and survive each day, for they are too busy, too tired, too stressed and too worried to really enjoy the pleasures of life. There is no going back in time. Thus, hours become days and days become months and years and all those years become a wasted precious life, and what for? To make a better living for tomorrow! A tomorrow that never was.

It is always said that to be successful in life, you have to work hard and never stop, because if you stop, another person will come and take your place. Besides, as the present world demands a lot of effort to survive and keep a decent living, pleasures are the first thing to be put off when wanting to achieve any goal. However, if you postpone your enjoyment until the time money and proper conditions arrive, that time may never come or come too late and you are unable to take care of yourself, leave alone enjoyment.

The strains of modern life force people to live in such a hurry that they don’t have time to enjoy the beautiful world we live in. People forget to take delight of the bonny things nature provides us. It costs no money and takes almost no time.

"This world, after all our science and sciences, is still a miracle; wonderful, magical and more, to whosoever will think of it." - Thomas Carlyle.

We always want more than what we actually need. People accumulate things for others to enjoy them, for they value their lives by the things they possess, which is a quite sad way of appreciating life.

If at the end of the day we review the day’s tasks and ask ourselves how much we enjoyed the day, we’d probably conclude that we missed another chance of feeling alive. Responsibilities are absolutely necessary as well as a work, career and material things, but life goes beyond that. How many people at the end regret for not taking the opportunities they had to live, to have some adventures and experiences? There is nothing better than to look back your past and be able to say; “I lived and lived very well. I enjoyed life, this world and everything it had given me, I made mistakes, but I learned from them.”


Our time is not eternal. Each second, minute, hour, and day we waste is gone, and gone forever. To overwork for something you won’t enjoy is as silly as having the opportunity to live but to prefer to exist in order to talk about the ones who really live.

Do you have an answer?

I always used to walk very fast. It had become a habit for me from childhood. Unknowingly, I would also keep my head high and straight. Many have asked me if I had worked in the army! Others concluded that it was because I was so proud that I kept my head high and walked as if I didn’t care for anyone else or the rest of the world. I walked as if I was kept on a cruise control. Even if I tried to walk slowly with all my effort, after some time, I would pick up speed.

Sometime back I was at the corniche for my daily walk. It was a weekend and there were many people perched on the low wall at the sea side, enjoying the sound and sight. The weather was good and I walked enjoying the gentle breeze. I was at my usual speed and suddenly heard a clap and a call

“Sadeek !” (Friend ! )

I was surprised to find it was a young local girl clad in the traditional burkha.

“Shuf ! Minnak phi radar” (Careful! There is a radar ahead!)

I never could believe the girl had such a sense of humor and more than that, the guts. Traditionally, the local girls shy away from outsiders. Times have changed. She had a hearty laugh and so too others who heard it. A group of boys sitting on the other side,probably watching the girl than the sea, clapped and encouraged as well. That was a pleasant evening.


Our hospital was spread out in a very large area. There were long corridors running criss - cross at many levels. I could easily walk about 200 metes from the ward to the out patient clinic. As always, my walk would always be fast and people would think I was running to attend an emergency or the sort. Over time, the staff got used to this, and they would not bother even if I hurried for an emergency.

One day I was on my way to the clinic when I heard the call form Venki. He was our senior male nurse at the emergency. I paused for him.

‘What is your secret, doctor? “He asked as he came near me.
“Of what?”
‘Your speed, doctor, how do you manage to run like a horse at this age?”

I didn’t like the question and specially his mention of my age. That reminded me of my age, which I don’t remember at other times.

He guessed from the expression on my face and just grinned.
“That is a secret I don’t usually share”, I said and walked away

When I reached home, I felt a kind of severe fatigue and tiredness. I went to bed after taking some pain relievers and couldn’t get up from bed for at least three days. Every inch of my body ached and I couldn’t move.

From that day, if I see this guy, I would take a side turn in another direction and escape. Because this has happened to me on more than one occasion.

I don’t know if you would believe such a story, especially from a doctor. But I had the same problem more than once, for it to be a chance. On another occasion he said
“Doctor, you look too young and bright. Look at me, your same age and people ask me why I haven’t retired”
The same day my back ache and kidney stone started giving me trouble and I was forced to bed for a week. My knees started making that crepitus which I had never heard before!

During my younger days, we had some very notorious persons like this in our neighborhood. There was this woman near our home. People would always hide anything good from her. If the mango tree blooms and gets heavily laden and she just looks at the tree and says’ Wow! My goodness, so many mangoes! Can the tree hold them all! And there it goes. The next day you will find all those unripe tiny fruits fallen all around and the weeping tree without a single fruit on it. Or if she looks at a baby and makes a comment “Oh….so cute and healthy looking”, the next day that unfortunate baby would fall sick.

I don’t know how many of you would laugh at this. Last week I made a visit to my old hospital. I met few of my colleagues and then went to the wards. I met someone at the corridor who was notorious for this kind of comments.

“Doctor! You look much better!! You have become ten years younger! You must be happier there? More money...Eh? I am sure there are many good looking girls around as well “

Till this I day I haven’t felt good. Every single day, I have aches and pains. With all my efforts, I manage to go to the clinic and do my work.

Whenever something good happens, I had this tendency to go and tell it to everyone around. I just can’t hold happiness. On one such occasion, a colleague of mine called me aside and said “Babuchayan, there is no need to tell all this kind of matters to everyone. Tell it to only those you think will wish good for you. There will be others in whom jealousy will brew and might think. ..What the hell...how come he gets everything, all goodness comes to him “ , and then the opposite will happen”

I don’t know how to explain these things.A friend tells me it is some kind of bad energy.Well,if you believe in good energy,then there could be bad as well. In medicine,we learn that many illnesses work through the immune system and this system is regulated also by emotional and psychological factors.

A Stitch in time

The clinic keeps me busy all the time. I had never thought this could be so demanding.And then,when you finish the work,there is always this last patient who walks in.
Today was the deadline for submitting an article for a local magazine.It is meant for the general public and so I tried to make it as non professional as it could be.I haven't written much of medical stuff on the blog,so I thought I would share it with you.



“Doctor,can we accept one more patient?”

It was from the reception. I was going to call it a day and they knew too well that I have never refused a patient.

Khan( Not the real name) walked in limping,his belly first,and then the rest of him.

“It is my toe,doctor, he said,while I was flipping through his thick medical file. He had diabetes for more than ten years,hypertension, and lipid disorder, what we could call the ‘triple jeopardy’. A quick look at his file told me that his diabetes was never under control.His toe looked swollen and discolored and lacked blood supply.I was afraid that he might lose that toe.

‘It is because of your sugar,Khan”, I said. “ Your toe is badly infected and the blood supply is poor”.
He had most of the complications of diabetes. He had vasular problems, neuropathy,and kidney dysfunction.

“When did you see the doctor last? I asked him.

“ Six months back. But I bring medicines from home and take them’

He was no exception. Four months in Family Medical Centre,and I realized that the pattern was not different from what I had seen in the Governmental hospital for ten years.We had always argued and discussed why most of our diabetic patients were not properly controlled.

‘I am taking my tablets every day’. There ends the effort. No adherence to diet or exercise,no proper monitoring and follow ups. While at the diabetes clinic,I had noticed that more than sixty percent of our diabeteics didn’t follow the advices on life style changes.Most of them had uncontrolled diabetes.

“ Well,what is the point of taking medicines if your diabetes and hypertension are not controlled?”

This was a question I always asked patients.

Most of them do not realize the fearful complications of diabetes.

Diabetes mellitus is a chronic condition that can lead to dangerous complications over time. These complications can include:
Coronary heart disease, which can lead to a heart attack.
Cerebrovascular disease, which can lead to stroke. 50% of people with diabetes die of cardiovascular disease (primarily heart disease and stroke).

Retinopathy (disease of the eye), which can lead to blindness. After 15 years of diabetes, approximately 2% of people become blind, and about 10% develop severe visual impairment.
Nephropathy (disease of the kidney), which can lead to kidney failure and the need for dialysis. 10-20% of people with diabetes die of kidney failure.
Neuropathy (disease of the nerves), which can lead to, among other things, ulceration of the foot requiring amputation and affects up to 50% of people with diabetes.

Many of these complications produce no symptoms in the early stages, and most can be prevented or minimized with a combination of regular medical care and blood sugar monitoring. The long-term complications of diabetes are caused by the effect of high blood sugar levels on blood vessels. For most people, a target for fasting blood sugar and for blood sugar levels before each meal is 80 to120 mg/dl (4.4 to 6.6 mmol/L)

A blood test called A1C is also used to monitor blood sugar control; the result provides an average of blood sugar levels during the previous one to three months. An A1C of 6 percent or less is recommended; this corresponds to an average blood sugar of 135 mg/dL.

Diabetes can decrease the blood supply to the feet and damage the nerves that carry sensation. These changes put the feet at risk for developing potentially serious complications such as ulcers. Foot complications are very common among people with diabetes, and may go unnoticed until the condition is severe. It is said that a diabetic should care for his feet,the way a young woman cares for her face.
People with diabetes should examine their feet every day. It is important to examine all parts of the feet, especially the area between the toes. Look for broken skin, ulcers, blisters, areas of increased warmth or redness, or changes in callus formation. Proper foot wear is of extreme importance.

One out of every four citizens of the United Arab Emirates has diabetes and this is one of the highest prevalences in the world. 70% of the UAEpopulation is at risk for developing diabetes according to current indicators. The UAE's diabetes rate of roughly 20 percent for all residents belittles the global average of 5 percent. Though a genetic predisposition can be given as an excuse, it is the striking change in the life style from hardworking nomadic life to an ultramodern,sedentary way of life which could be equally held responsible.

The change in life style is almost universal. I remember,as a child, our games and activities were always physical and outdoor. Now the young and old alike are getting glued to computer and television,with junk food for company.
It is alarming to see diabetes on the rise at such a rapid rate. While new diabetes treatments continue to be developed, the disease continues to rise at an unprecedented rate.

Simple lifestyle changes are proven to be effective to prevent or delay the onset of type II diabetes and control the diabetes in those who have the disease. These include regular physical activity, a healthy diet, weight reduction and smoking cessation.

Khan was attentive all the while.He appeared a bit apprehensive towards the end.

“But why didn’t they tell me about all this from the beginning?” he asked.

This was another issue. Diabetes education is probably the most important part of its treatment. Like in anything else, we lack the time and patience to educate the patient.

Most of the microvascular complications of diabetes are related to the degree and the length of exposure to hyperglycaemia( high blood sugar levels).New data from studies on Diabetes emphasize the role of glucose control early in the course of the disorder and its value in prevention of later complications.The phenomenon of ongoing beneficial effects on diabetic complications after a period of improved glycemic control ,even if followed by a return to usual (often poorer) metabolic control has been described as representing “metabolic memory” or “legacy effect”.Earlier control of blood sugar is of utmost importance to prevent later complications.

“ I will do as you say, doctor”. Khan had become very submissive after listening to my sermon.

“Well,that is a good start,Khan”. There was now a smile of relief on his face.

A time for everything.

Jose had brought his son to the emergency room for some febrile illness. I knew him and his family quite well.

It was one of my friends who called me from the hospital.

“Jessie’s husband came with his son to the ER. He collapsed there and lost consciousness.”

I was at home. I would usually wait for the call of the resident physician. Many doctors get offended if you go and see a patient without their request. But I knew Jessie too well, she was one of my favorite staff members and I also knew her husband. After a difficult start, he had established a business which was growing very well and every thing was just falling in to places.

Jose had a deep seated bleeding in the brain. We placed him on ventilator and kept him in ICU and later shifted to the care of a neurosurgeon at another center. We wanted him to get the best of options. He died at that hospital with in few days, without regaining full consciousness at any time.

I have seen how difficult it is for a woman to deal with problems after the unexpected death of her husband. Their business was running smooth till then. Many employees and their numbers were on the rise. Works going on at different locations. Payments were due to be submitted to the banks. Money to be collected from clients. Jessie had no idea about any of these. She didn’t have an idea where the bank accounts were. How much money was to be collected and who all were the clients. How to take care of business transactions. Her children had not finished their education. It was as if suddenly the world has fallen apart. She would often just sit in the pantry and pray. I hadn’t seen her cry much. She had some kind of strength from somewhere. She was a strong believer and her faith had helped her. Though I often entered in to arguments with her on matters regarding faith, I had secretly admired her intense faith.

I remembered the movie “Places in the heart’(1984) which I had seen recently.

The Spalding family prays together at the breakfast table. That is how the movie starts. A bite of sandwich and Mr. Spalding gets a call from his work place. He kisses his children, leaves the table and gets shot to death by a drunken boy within minutes of leaving his home.

Edna Spalding finds herself, after 15 years of marriage, with two small children to support, a farm which the bank is about to take over, no money in the bank and no talent for anything except cooking and keeping house.

It is the story of an ordinary, simple woman facing the sudden death of her husband, and fighting for the survival of her children, for her land, and for the greatest dream there is...the future. It is a touching movie. It made me cry.

I remembered this story when I faced Jessie. Hers is not an unusual story. Women who face the sudden death of their husbands are often left with heavy responsibilities and have no idea as to how their husbands were running the show.

It’s very common for women to feel both financially and emotionally lost after her husband dies on .Women are numb, lost, emotionally drained,lonely, fragile, weak, frightened, vulnerable,and occasionally, guilty. Some of these feelings surface and some stay hidden.

Death comes uninvited and often suddenly. It doesn’t give us time to hand over business details or say apologies or to say the much neglected words of love to the loved ones. Instead, there is a sudden destruction of the world you used to know. There is no gradual transition, nor time to make changes in yourself, your expectations about your life, or your world. In sudden death you are called upon to face a massive gap between the way the world should be, with your loved one alive, and the way the world is. The person whom you loved, and who provided you with security, is taken away without any warning. This is a major violation of your expectations.

I have often wondered. What would have happened to us if my father had died suddenly? My mother had never stepped out of our home and had no idea about the outside world. She would never know where my father had kept his accounts. She dint know how to write a bank check, leave alone, to go and buy things for daily needs.


Jessie told me. “I’m not the only one. If other women can get through this, I can too. And my God will guide me through” And she was right. There are millions of widows living with the memories of their husband. If the couple shares things such as bill paying, business information and financial details, you’re a step ahead. If not, now is the time to have your banker or a knowledgeable friend teaches you about money affairs. And to husbands.. now is the time to tell your wives what they ought to know about money matters, and tell them what they do not know about your business.

Sometimes the death of a loved one brings up not only grief for what you lost, but also grief for what you never had and now never will have. For example, if you had a very conflicted relationship with your mother or sibling, when she dies you may grieve not only for what you have lost, but also for the fact that you never had a better relationship with them. You realize you could have improved relationships and given them better care. In such a case you grieve for the past, present, and future.

One can always learn from the mistakes of others. Now is the time to learn and to reconcile if you have reasons to do so.


“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live".

I'm back !

Ramadan is a totally different kind of life here.The day turns around.People sleep in the day time and work at night.It takes time to get adjusted to this change,and by the time you do that, it is over.

Our clinic timings had changed.We worked from morning till one in afternoon and then from eight at night to eleven.Weird timing for a clinic,isn't it?
And today Muslims across the world celebrates Eid. All the good wishes of the season to all.Heaven's choicest blessings be showered on to you all!

Life in the Arab world is different during Ramadan month.The super markets get busier and start stocking food supplies for weeks ahead of the month.Fruits are imported from all over the world.My friends tell me that targets for all sales managers are kept at thrice the average of the usual months.The first thing you notice when you enter any super market is the stacked up food.People fill their car trunks with loads of food material.I find it a paradox and cannot understand why they have to buy so much more when they fast! They probably might be giving to others.Roads are deserted during day time and bustles all through the night.

I had little time to come to the internet.Some old friends used to peep in at my blog to see if I were around.Hepzibah ( NRI girl) was regular at it.She asks “ Hello,any one at home?”It was good to see there are friends who spend time at that.Anil ( Musings) sent regular mails.Balan ( My travels,my life) kept contact as usual.Nasrin gets worried and calls me every time if she doesn't see a new post.

It is difficult to continue writing at all times.As I had written once,the common problem is thaweet Nursing Home't people run out of subjects to write.Well,if we keep to the initial purpose of blogging ( it was supposed to be a daily web log of the sort,where you can write about anything in your daily life.I had seen earlier bloggers who used to write few sentences like "today I went shopping... My little girl is sick and I am taking her to the doctor” and the like. Times have changed and the blog has evolved in to something totally different.

(A social worker’s blog) Doris Plaster sent me a signed copy of her book ' Home Sweet nursing Home'. I felt so happy that she thought of doing it.Some time back,I had suggested to her that she make a compilation of her anecdotes and make them in to a book.And she did it.It is happy to see a fellow blogger becoming a writer,and good at it.She has collected events from her daily life and made them in to wonderful stories in less than fifty words.But each of those small incidents are insights in to human life.If you haven't seen her blog,now is the time to do that.You will be enriched.

There was nothing more worth mentioning. I am getting adjusted to the change of job, but it is not that easy.And I realize the oft written phrase,” there is no perfect situation in life”.

Balan asked me about the quote I had placed at the top of my blog.He felt it applied to his life the way I thought it did to my life. For most of us,at the end,life is like that.Regrets about things we could have done and failed to do.

Life is like that.