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Learning to say " No "

>> Monday, May 10, 2010



It was  really a difficult day.But then, I  found I was making it difficult for my self.


Start doing things for others, and then the trouble starts. People take things for granted.And soon,they learn your weak points and try to take advantage.
Today for example, I was not supposed to do the regular clinics.But then, they know, if the clinic is left alone,patients would start yelling ,and then someone has to go and see the patients. Who else?


We often live life in a dream,from which we never  wake up.We are submerged by our feelings,by our loves and hates,by our ideas of good and bad,beautiful or awful. We are probably incapable of growing beyond these ideas and feelings.


I often used to yield to the requests of others,often putting myself in to difficulties.The funniest part is that no one reciprocates,leave that, they tend to forget they ever received any favors.Some of those who came up with all my efforts and supports, keep away now.They probably do not like to be reminded of their beginnings.These are painful lessons.
Do you habitually give in to others,because you cant stand the thought of upsetting them? Do you put your own needs to one side for the sake of others?And then find that he or she is the least grateful? Then you are probably in my group and can be called "people pleasers"
It is time to shift the focus from others to ourselves.Stop being martyrs  and start caring for ourselves. Don't we need some attention too?


There is trouble ahead when we live only for the approval of others,saying what flatters them,and doing what indulges them.Popularity contests are not truth contests.Our task is to be truthful,not popular.Isn't it?
It is noble to help others.But it is something you should do because you want to do, not because you have to.
The greatest acts of kindness are  those done by choices,not out of fear or feeling of guilt.If you are doing things for others,because you would feel bad,if you didn't, is it a genuine action?And if you are doing it neglecting your needs,is it really wise to do so?


Sometime or other you have to learn to say " No".


To things you really do not want to do.Suppose your friend asks you attend a party, and you know there are people whom you cannot tolerate or wouldn't like to meet, isn't it wise to a polite "No". Sorry, it is not my scene,than to go there and undergo the torture of entertaining those whom you didn't even want to meet?.The world is not going to collapse if you don't attend that gathering, the party will go on its way,and you can peacefully go on with your life and time,with whatever you wanted to do.


I am not against sacrifices. But is this the time and place?No one will come to remove the chalice of venom from your lips,if you voluntarily choose to drink.


Assertiveness is something one has to learn and by doing so you will put a limit in the middle,so that you will not be mistaken for someone who is always willing to say "yes". In life we must learn to say "No" if we know we are not up to something or at par.Don't just try to fulfill someone else's dreams just because you want to please that person.Instead,think of matters in the long run,if you cannot really do it,and especially if you know that thing is wrong,don't do it at all.
You might be afraid that  no one will like you,that someone will leave you,or that you will be left alone.This is a prison you have trapped yourself in to,and it is time to unlock the doors and walk out.People around may be used to your compliance.But if they are not willing to accept that you have your own needs,are they really worth having in your life?


Dont let yourself being a doormat for others.Instead,be the doors to let them see the world in the correct perspectives.Let them learn that life is not just taking,but giving as well.


1 comments:

crazycha June 2, 2010 at 8:19 PM  

i remember what my dad used to advised me about it. He said that in life we cannot always say yes. Sometimes we will be in a situation wherein we dont want to say "yes" but we cant find the right way to say "no".

He told me that i should learn the right way of saying "no" so as not to disappoint or hurt others...but until now, i still dont know what he means...because until now, "YES" is my only option.

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