>> Friday, April 2, 2010
I was talking to a colleague the other day. He came to me asking for help.He hadnt slept for weeks.He looked a mess,totally unkept and shabby,on the verge of breaking down.He wanted to talk about his family,his wife going to leave him.With two growing up children,it was bit difficult for him to accept that his wife was walking out on him.She had found a new love, who promised her everything she had dreamt of.And the saddest part was that, the new lover was their closest family friend.She claims,she had never felt love like this before.I told him to give it some time,to let things cool down and take its course.No one can keep a person by force.Whatever you call it,love or infatuation, it cant be prevented.To those who get these feelings,time or circumstances are of no concern.Such things happen when emotions rule over matters.And when you let your emotions take over your intellegence.
I have witnessed many such events in my career.
"I love you" are three little words which are frequently said.. Nothing more. All too often when people say "I love you", the receiver of the words forgets it means nothing more. "I love you" is thought to mean what? I want to spend some time with you? "I want to spend the rest of my life with you", "Let's get married", I want to have sex with you or just "I love you”. What does it really mean?
It just expresses a feeling at that point of time. Nothing else.
And how does it usually start? You see a boy or a girl,something strikes you,and then like him or her and without much delay,decides that you love her.
So, to be honest,the beginning is the appeal. You look at her and then like her.Without knowing anything more about her.And that is what we call love.
I have often wondered why it is called “ falling in “ love. As if you are falling in to a pit. Do we say falling in to marriage or falling in to friendship? Thinking about it,I admire the one who coined the term ‘falling in love’. Because ,as easy as is to fall in love, it is easy to fall out of it. Isn’t it? If not, how come they offer all the untold things in the world and forget every bit of it? And forget the same person you adored all the time, and go on with your life as if nothing happened?
People do not mean a word of what they say when they are in love.
“I hate you. That is not true, but sometimes I think it is. I will not answer the phone when you call, even though I want to talk to you. I will not call you, even though it is all I want to do. I will not reach out to you, even though every part of me wants to. I will be mad at you, I will want to hurt you, I will drive you away because I am afraid to let you closer. I need your constant attention, your reassurances, but I will greet them with cold indifference. I will be jealous of the attention you give others, and I will get mad at you for ignoring me. I will feel close to you and care for you one day, only to be mad and want you out of my life the next. I just cant live without you. You come in to my sleep and I cant sleep thinking of you. Every breathe I take,you are there. You are there,in the air I breathe, and in everything I do. And I cant think of a life without you. And I will die without you”. Probably,this is the usual sequence, and often the terms used when people think they are in love. But how long do these feelings last?
And how many of these promises last? Do they ever remember they talked this way?It is always good to remember the other person is sometimes left behind broken hearted and wounded for the rest of his life.
Are we emotional amnesiacs? maybe.
But is it possible to forget and forgive easily ?People who are simple minded and sentimental, falls victim and end up messing up their lives. They lose purpose and direction in life, and goes after the new found love. Those who are clever and intelligent, they draw a line where to stop and when they think they had enough of fun.
Memories follow you sometimes like a curse.Memories fade and warp,but never die. Cant be erased or wiped clean. Forgetting is easier said than done.The one thing that you want to forget, probably occupies most of your memory. Like I had written once earlier, every wound leaves a scar, however well healed. The scabs can bleed again.
The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.The love lives then, breaking up the person.It is a different story,once you get the person.