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A Malice called Tongue.

>> Sunday, September 19, 2010







My son lost his wife in a tragic illness about a year back. She left him a child, now about 3 years, to take care of. In all ways, he reminds us of her. She was such a good girl; I don’t have enough words to describe her.



I remember the day I was at her bed side when she was admitted to the RCC for treatment of cancer. I was reading a book. I could see from the distance that she was watching me. I tried to avoid her gaze. She had lost all the hair, but still looked more beautiful than ever. It was a sad sight to see her lying in the bed that way. When she caught my eyes, she beckoned me with a gesture of her hands. I got up and went to her bedside.

“Acha” she said, “I know one of your secrets”

“Tell me” I said

“Cuckoo (my daughter) had told me that you love me more than her”, she said

Tears welled in my eyes. I tried to hide it.

She said, “Don’t worry Acha, Everything is going to be all right”.

It didn’t happen that way. She left us in the depths of sadness and agony.The boy is just growing up. With all the innocence of childhood. We wanted him to grow up without any feel of losses. After all, why should a child be deprived of his childhood?

There was this girl who was willing to accept the situation and come in to our family. To give a new life for my son and his child. We were discussing the possibility of a marriage.

That is when the gossips started. Unheard of stories.

My son used to beat her up. He has wasted all her assets. He married her for her wealth. So, be careful. How concerned are our people about the welfare of others!

Apparently, ourown family and relatives were spreading the stories. They don’t want him to get married. I know many of them,who were all smiling faces in front of me.

I said,” Trust is not the nose that falls off on sneezing”. If they don’t trust us, and believe someone else’s words, how can you make a relationship with that family?

I was wondering. How much of an impact can gossips make?

I consoled my son. The girl is not destined to have a happy life. It is her fate. And her parents have contributed to it. And it is God who has shown you the way. Keep all unnecessary elements out of your life, I said.

It is hard to believe slanders can make such damages in the present day life. We call ourselves literate and educated and civilized. …Still.

“Do not go about spreading slander among your people" (Lev. 19:16).


“Men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned" (Matt. 12:36, 37).


The Bible warns of widows who have nothing else to do other than gossiping and messing up other’s lives. Now a day, many of our women live their lives like widows, unhappy, discontented with their own lives, and cannot tolerate the happiness of others.And many men who live without working,have also changed roles.They do many things supposedly done by women before. 

Gossip can be a cruel weapon, one that is turned on friends and enemies alike. The gossiping person may be trying to look better by making the other person look bad. Anytime someone has talked badly to me about someone else, I always wonder what that person says about me when I am not around and then I no longer trust that person. God calls gossip a sin, whether we justify it or not. It is unacceptable and it has the power to destroy a family.

Gossip is so damaging. More damage can be done with the tongue than by any other means. Like our mothers used to say,  “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”


30 comments:

aravind September 19, 2010 at 1:37 PM  

In God we trust....that's all...!!! Each person should have principles governing his or her life. Without that aspect, we are akin to just walking dead bodies; maybe equatable to animals. No matter even if the world turns on you for things you honestly believe in and that which you believe is not sinful in the eyes of God...do it!!! The world may mock you, but a day of greatness will surely follow.....if not today, definitely tomorrow!!! Slanderes can be just that in life - slanderers - nothing more!!!

Keats The Sunshine Girl September 19, 2010 at 5:16 PM  

I believe in "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. That takes care of the gossips and unwanted slanders. Sorry to hear about your daughter-in- law's passing away.

A New Beginning September 19, 2010 at 7:32 PM  

I like to discourage such people whenever they come up with someone elses life...what right do they have. Our tongue can harm others more then weapons can...when life gives us a second chance who are people to interfere and cause problems.
I am sorry about your daughter in law and Im sure life has a different and positive plan for your grandson and son.
People say what they want..they'll have something to say when we do things according to them and they'll have something to say when we do things that we wish to do.

pinky1234 September 19, 2010 at 10:37 PM  

Shit happens.....just dont wait for it to happen! People wont realise the deapth of ur pain, they will when they lose someone they love sooo much in the same way u lost ur daughter in law. As for the next one.... she isnt just worth it. it surely does teach her one lesson..... hopes she learns from it!!!

$$ September 19, 2010 at 11:19 PM  

Saddest thing in life is to loose somebody whom you love so deeply! Wishing the kid all the happiness in life!
And about people who spread gossip - they are not worth even a second of your time!

Renu September 20, 2010 at 1:33 AM  

very sad to read it..gossip is bad for everyone, nbe it man or woman. Most of the people believe in because it needs a strength of mine to have convictions. and your DIL was lucky to have you as FIL, and I am sure you son will get a partner more worthy of him..god is great.

lakshmi September 20, 2010 at 1:34 AM  

It is really sad to know about your daughter in law.

sometimes it is right if we could cut the wagging tongues then and there and sometimes it is better to remain silent.

dashboy12 September 20, 2010 at 3:10 AM  

Its human nature for some slandering to take place . In our society its an inescapable sin that one will commit at some point of thier lives . But premeditated and calculated rumors to hurt a person should be dealt with to remove their BSEG of their faces .

Anup,  September 20, 2010 at 4:36 AM  

Gossip is a by-product of our pride. Gossip is also an outlet for our jealousy, whether we acknowledge our jealousy or not. No one wants to admit harboring jealousy in their heart, but when we gossip about someone else - someone we secretly envy, there is a certain satisfaction gained in knowing we’ve taken our rival down a notch.

Letting a gossip influence your behavior is like letting someone else make a big decision for you!!!

Hip Grandma September 20, 2010 at 6:49 AM  

your mother was right.If you cannot say good things about someone at least stay quiet. sorry about your daughter in law.But people like her mother are quite common. a colleague of mine was brutally murdered and all her father could do was to ask how much he would get as the nominee of her provident fund.We in the college seemed to want to pursue the case and punish the culprits but her family refused saying that they did not have time to attend court hearings.and we talk of parental love being unconditional!

RAJI MUTHUKRISHNAN September 20, 2010 at 8:19 AM  

So sorry about the tragedy in your family. I hope that in time you all will find the happiness you surely deserve.

Gossip mongers will continue to chew the cud for want of anything better. Unfortunately there is no way they can be stopped. The only thing is to ignore them and rise above it.

God bless you all.

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Dr.Antony September 20, 2010 at 9:10 AM  

@my blogger friends:
Thanks to all my unseen friends.You give me lot of emotional support to go on.And that was the purpose of my blog.

NRIGirl September 20, 2010 at 7:29 PM  

Hello Doc! First time here. Not sure if you are a medical doctor, but I would like to call you Doc if you don't mind... It seems fitting and easy to use...

I truly loved reading your post - how you shared from your experiences and linked to the Bible passage and ended with a moral.

I am sure God is in control of all matters and will do the best for you and yours.

Soon you will be sharing with us the good news of a happy wedding union. Looking forward to hear from you on that.

In the meantime keep up your good cheer!

Best regards,
~NRIGirl

Elizabeth September 20, 2010 at 8:38 PM  

I think I know your daughter in law, probably think of her every other day. She was an angel on earth...that is what I think of her for the past 8 years since I know her. Actually her mother's action shock me.

God asked us to keep our gaze always on Him so that we will be able to keep our trust even in such moments.

Babli September 21, 2010 at 2:43 AM  

I felt very bad to hear about your daughter-in-law's demise. May God rest her soul in peace. I can very well understand how difficult and painful it is to miss somebody who is so dearest and part of the family. Its definitely a big tragedy but I hope that God will give courage to you and your family to overcome this situation.

Babli September 21, 2010 at 2:44 AM  

You are welcome in my new post -
http://urmi-z-unique.blogspot.com/
http://amazing-shot.blogspot.com/

Dr.Antony September 21, 2010 at 5:21 AM  

@Hip Grandma
Yes,it is unbelievable how some people take it.Every thing finally boils down to money matters.People kill for money.These are all variations of the same theme.
@ NRI girl
Thanks for the visit.Please do come. I am a medical doctor,physician.I hope your wishes come true.
@ Elizabethe.
Anonymous friends are easier to confide.I have read that people who meet for the first time during travels,open up their minds,reveal all their secrets, because they know, probably they will never meet again.No mutual harm.Over a long period of time,I have lost faith in superfluous friendships,which have been of more harm than benefit.
I am surprised that you knew the girl. I wrote "An angel lost her way",about her.Honestly,I hadn't seen a better girl and I am not surprised that my son fell in love with her.
@ babli
Thanks for the support.I am getting many new friends here. Sure,I am keeping track of your blogs.

A September 21, 2010 at 6:49 AM  

Dr Antony,

First time here and felt sad to hear your story. I personally never gossip and my hates it too. I think it does adversely affect the person who is being talked about. Sometimes if you are too nice people want to find a reason to pull you down. It seems like you are in that category. Only such people can write with such clarity and honesty.

Anonymous,  September 21, 2010 at 6:01 PM  

I am a stranger here, but would take the liberty of conveying my sympathies.

Gossip can sear lives, but God gives us consolation and reward. All the best for good tidings.

Pattu

Srivalli September 22, 2010 at 12:07 AM  

Hello Dr Antony,

Thanks for dropping by my space and leaving your valuable remarks. I sure agree as I have started using that time in understand lot of things I might otherwise not be able to spend time on.

Very sad to read about your Son and grandson. Gossips can get to be so cruel. My best wishes for good things to happen soon.

Regards
Srivalli

Srivalli September 22, 2010 at 12:07 AM  

Hello Dr Antony,

Thanks for dropping by my space and leaving your valuable remarks. I sure agree as I have started using that time in understand lot of things I might otherwise not be able to spend time on.

Very sad to read about your Son and grandson. Gossips can get to be so cruel. My best wishes for good things to happen soon.

Regards
Srivalli

radha September 23, 2010 at 3:39 AM  

It takes all kinds of people to make the world. But how do they stand to benefit if your son remains unmarried?

Dr.Antony September 23, 2010 at 8:13 AM  

@Radha,
There is no single equivalent in English, for the German word "Schadenfreude" ( pleasure derived from other's misfortunes).The simple explanation is one of extreme despair and frustration. If we are not happy,why should some one else be? My son is one of the nicest boys I have come across,not because he is my son. But I know he keeps values,and will never cross limits,what ever.But truth survives,doesn't it?
@ Srivalli
Thanks for the support.It is a strange world.
@ Anonymous
Welcome stranger.It is easier to confide in strangers.
@A
Thanks for the nice words. I have come up through tough times,and so I fully realize the values I keep. The best term to use here is " Incredible cruelty"

Arundhati September 23, 2010 at 9:26 AM  

I'm terribly sorry for your loss

Hope you and your family stay strong and positive. I am sure the child will grow up to be an amazing person

Margaret Cloud September 23, 2010 at 10:27 AM  

I think it is very sad to spread rumors about others. I also think it is sad when one of your parents die, when you are so young and you can only remember them from stories and pictures, this happened to me at age 9 years. I know he will grow up happy and well loved by his family. Thank you for coming by, have a nice weekend.






Dr.Sameena Prathap
September 23, 2010 at 10:10 PM  

Hi,

Beautifully written...Is this a religious blog..Am amazed...Great to read the posts...

Dr.Sameena@

www.lovelypriyanka.blogspot.com
www.myeasytocookrecipes.blogspot.com
www.samsondentalclinic.blogspot.com

Madhu September 24, 2010 at 10:20 AM  

Dr. Anthony. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am so sorry to have learnt about your loss.
I believe that good things take time. Your son will sure meet a wonderful woman again to live happily ever after.

Bincy September 29, 2010 at 6:32 AM  

Hai dat lady had done its inexcusable@offensive.Pls think always in a positive way.Sure God will open other door for your son@grand son.

Anonymous,  October 1, 2010 at 7:55 PM  

Your son is such a nice boy. Who can gossip about him like this? I am sure he will find another nice girl. Tell him to wait.

dr.antony October 1, 2010 at 8:12 PM  

@Anonymous.Thanks for the kind words
@Bincy. Always.When one door closes,a hundred opens.

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