Cheating husbands

I knew this family from the time I joined this hospital. She always used to accompany her husband when he would come for his checkups and also when he got admitted occasionally for his uncontrolled diabetes. Theirs was a happy family. Two bright kids, an excellent job, stylish living, regular attendance at the church for weekly services….I used to think they were a perfect couple. I also used to mention this to my wife, as to how happy this couple was. He never had any major health problems, and the woman was strikingly good looking even at her middle age. That was one reason  my wife was not very enthusiastic about my comments.

And so I was surprised to see her waiting for me at my clinic, alone. That was unusual. One look at her, and I guessed something was wrong. She looked as if she hadn’t slept for days. I had never before seen her so shabby with unkempt hair. Her eyes lacked the usual luster. Without my asking, she just murmured” I want to talk to you” as if in a trance. There were patients waiting with appointments, and so I left the message with my sister to ask her to wait. Soon after I finished my patients I called her in.

I waited for some time, but she couldn’t start the conversation.

I asked her “Is it something to do with Jacob?( Not the real name) Is he not well?

A sob was the reply and then she burst in to tears. The nurse in my clinic was a Malayali, and I was worried whatever she may overhear would be a news letter on the same, if not the next day. It took her some time to get her composure and then she came up with this story. Through the sobs and whimpers , I got the story that her husband was having an affair. And that too, it was going on for quite some time , but she came to know about it now. Had it been a hear say, I wouldn’t believe. Jacob was such a nice guy. But apparently her own brother had seen the husband with another woman at a hotel, where he was spending the weekend on ‘official meeting’. The woman was known to them as well, being the wife of another friend of theirs. Now, both the families were in trouble.

There was nothing much to offer her, and I was even surprised why she chose me to confide her stories. I am a well known sympathizer, that is all what I can do often, and probably she expected me to come up with a solution. Her own brother was making a mess of the whole situation, letting the whole world know about it, if not already known. I offered to go to their home and discuss the problem, and somehow, managed to send her back home. If a good looking woman is seen crying in my clinic that could be another story. They won’t spare me for my age.

If infidelity hurts so many people, then why do men cheat on their wives? It’s like asking, “Why do some men beat up their wives?” Only nowadays, we’ve made progress on the sexist idea that she made him beat her. I am sure the elderly mother in laws would definitely find that reason acceptable.” She was a little too much from the beginning” attitude. However, when it comes to sex and infidelity, that’s where things really get sticky. Society is still inclined to blame a woman as the reason for her husband's philandering. Or at least, insist she take half his responsibility for choosing to betray his wife and family. We continue offering excuses as to why a man messes around with another woman when they have a perfectly well equipped partner at home. A  partner with perks.  Comfortable living, happy kids, compassion enough to care for each other, respectability, and a safe place to call home.

Cheating husbands usually start their experimenting on the house maids. They are easy victims, often helpless in the confines of a home, and ashamed or afraid to complain for fear of job. The saddest part is that even when there is sufficient evidence to prove that the men do commit adultery with maids , most women feel reluctant to take action because of the fear of breaking up the family or hurting the children.

We say to one another, "Well, he must not have been happy at home."

Contrary to assumptions that only dissatisfied, unhappy men cheat, happy men cheat, too. According to an infidelity expert: “This information may surprise you, but research has proven time and time again that a man’s happiness or the quality of his marriage have no bearing on whether or not he’ll have an extramarital affair.”

Well, it is difficult for us to understand what quality of marriage one can have, while pursuing extramarital affairs. Qualities and values differ from place to place, and so do marital rules and regulations. Maybe, it is so till everything is kept secret. Cheating husbands and wives are unduly considerate and caring to their partners, it is said. If your husband becomes suddenly and unusually caring and concerned, be a little cautious .Could be, that lovely looking saree he brought home after the tour was meant for someone else. And the new fragrance he wears, a gift for him from his secret friend.

But this does not mean there are no cheating wives. It is hard to get statistics on this. But my feeling is that their numbers are on the increase. With increasing freedom, exposure to new acquaintances and friendships at workplace and other outings, women these days do not lack in opportunities. Monotony and unhappiness at work, lack of time at home to spend with partner, and also at times, as a revenge on a cheating husband. If women appear to have less affairs, it is probably because they are more careful then men, who would fall head over heels at an affair.

Now, to my blogger friends, don’t be upset and get irate over this. Just see me as an

infidelity expert!

When I come across such problems, (Not very usual because we are so secretive and also they need the support of experts in the field) my plan of reconciliation would be to give the lovers the boot. For casual relationship, it ends instantaneously once it is known to others. Neither of them wants to take such risks in life. In what we call extramarital love affair, it is more difficult. To leave the lover, and reconcile with the spouse is still not an unattainable task, once the husband and wife learn to meet each other’s emotional and physical needs. Bring to the notice, the long forgotten commitments of marriage and how it would affect the lives of children and alter their fate. Life is not meant for those few moments of carnal pleasure.

Signs of a Cheating Spouse.

Now, don’t take these tips lightly. These are pearls of wisdom gained from years of scientific research ! Learn them by heart. Might come handy some time , and then you might want to thank me!

 He/She shows a sudden interest in a different type of music or song

 Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
 Always appear to be in a dream world.
 He/She has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
 Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer when you are asleep.
 You find items of intimate apparel that you did not give your spouse.
 Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy"
 You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
 He/She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
 Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
 Deletes all incoming e-mails, when they used to accumulate earlier.
 Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
 Your spouse stops  seeking advice from you.
 He/she sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it. 

Here are some lessons to learn from the misfortunes of many well known cheaters.

Don’t let your desire for sex over rule your common sense.

The cost of infidelity is not always in money.

Mistresses often have ulterior motives in getting involved with married men.

Infidelity won’t improve your marriage .It might destroy it.

Sooner or later you will slip up and get caught.

Somebody else always knows what is going on.

Money can’t buy silence when it comes to infidelity.

Hell has not the fury of an offended spouse.

Overconfidence will give you away one day.

Cheaters always leave signs behind !